QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Thursday, July 23, 2009

It DRIVES me nuts.... (pun intended)

I'll come right out and admit it. I am a type A kinduva gal. I'm conscientious, I like to be efficient and I have little patience, although having two boys has taught me that, patient or not, things don't always go your way. I'm actually infinitely more patient than I used to be BK (before kids).

I'm digressing already, though. sheesh.

My type A personality extends into the realm of driving, yes. I typically a drive a bit more quickly than your average driver, and I am always aware of what's around me (except when I'm crackberrying while driving... kidding!) Some driver habits just irritate the bejeezes out of me... here's what I don't understand:

1. WHY do people do this: ??

Why oh why oh WHY do people pull out in front of me when there is no one behind me? I can understand, if there is a lot of traffic, pulling out with any opportunity you can... I can also understand if you're a really fast driver and you don't want to be behind someone slow.... but WHY pull out, when there is no one behind me, and then drive 10 mph under the speed limit?!!!! Argh!

2. You're sitting in the left-hand turn lane at a traffic light behind a column of vehicles. The left turn arrow isn't quite long enough to allow everyone through in one cycle, making traffic build up a bit. You're allowed to pull about 1/4 to halfway into the intersection to get ready for your left turn; indeed, the laws of geometry tell us that it's a shorter time period to complete the turn if you've already pulled up AND you have the right of way to make the left turn when the light turns yellow (right of way over the oncoming traffic when the light turns yellow). Look:

See? WHY do people sit behind the line and wait for the light to turn red and then a green arrow again? I wish cars came with a special horn that just said, in a gentle, friendly tone, "beep... um. I would have turned THERE..."

3. In a merge situation, why don't folks let you in? Do they really need to be to their destination a millisecond earlier? (exception - people who drive down the shoulder and then try to "butt" in at the last second....because as well all know, they're more important than everyone else...)

4. Have we all left our blinker on by accident at some point in our driving careers? Yes? Me too. K. So we can't really bust too much on the people driving down the highway for miles and miles with their left blinker on, cuz we've all likely been there. If not, good on ya! (as they say down under)

5. You don't see those "baby on board" signs as much anymore, but I've always found them kinda humorous. I feel like putting a "13-year-old on board" sign in my car. As if you're driving with your husband behind a car with a baby on board sign and your husband's tailgating (not that mine EVER does... ahem) and you say: "oh, honey. Don't tailgate. There's a baby on board." Moments later, you excuse the tailgating habit because the husband is only tailing a teenager, farther down on the totem pole of humanity.

6. Speaking of signs, how about bumper stickers? Isn't it funny that bumper stickers are meant as a sort of communicative mechanism to talk about your interests and yourself while you're driving? I can think of no other situation in which it is more difficult to begin a conversation with someone else than as two strangers in a car going 75 mph, unable to see or hear each other. Instead, shouldn't bumper stickers be on our foreheads or shirts or something? Or maybe it's necessary to brag about how smart your kid is "My child is an honor student at blah blah elementary school" in a situation in which no one can argue with you to the contrary? I love the bumper stickers that say: "my dog is smarter than your honor student." I'm not knocking bumper stickers -I get a kick out of 'em (Much to the husband's chagrin, I, myself, have 3 bumper stickers on the truck: "26.2," "Run," and "Runner Girl."); it's just funny to me that they evolved in the first place. Ya know those stickers that say: "save the ta tas"? I just saw one that said: "save 2nd base." lol!

7. How about the folks that are superabundantly proud of their car's make? I'm talking about the prodigious H O N D A plastered across the back window. Hmmm. why?

8. Here's a classic and it DRIVES me nuts (ha ha. get it? DRIVES me? hee hee)... A highway with 2 lanes in each direction. 3 cars traveling in one direction. 2 cars driving side by side, with the car in the ... um... PASSING lane... NOT passing. The third car is me, chronically stuck behind the non passer. ARGH!! (insert casual acceptance of hypocritical nature about earlier comment about getting there milliseconds sooner....). It took me a looong time to draw the above diagrams, so use your imagination on this one! ;)

9. Not slowing down or moving for a runner or biker. Or worse - HONKING at a runner or biker out of frustration. C'mon, people.... I can't run around in my neighborhood in circles for a 24-mile run... at some point I must use a busier road... A horn makes me jump outta my skin!

10. Speaking of horns, honking in stand-still traffic. Uh.... why?

whew. I feel better now. Wanna vent?


  1. HILARIOUS!!!! I can definitely relate! Especially to the one about the people who butt in and try and merge at the last second, because they passed everyone on the shoulder, or the lane that was going to "close" shortly!! I hate them and I NEVER let them in. Selfish creeps. I hate people who think that their car is soooo wonderful that they must park sideways and take up two or three parking spots. Argh.

    Hey thanks for the award!!! That is really cool!!

  2. I found you from Samsmama and this post had me literally laughing out load! The pictures are great and I have to say I also have a bit of road rage and agree with all of these.

  3. Good ones.
    Here's what drives me nuts, which I only encountered when I moved to New England.
    You're waiting at a red light to go straight. The light turns green and the car opposite you on the other side of the intersection makes their left turn as you are driving straight. They don't YIELD. They cut you off and no, they don't have an arrow!. Left turns seem to have an unwritten right of way. I don't get it.

  4. Thanks for stopping by, I'm sure glad I did. If you descriptions weren't awesome enough, your drawings sealed the deal. I was giggling a bit too hard.

    My husband recently purchased a Jeep and I told him I'd leave him if he slapped on any sort of "Pro Jeep" bumper sticker.

  5. Love the illustrations. I am also a member of the "if you waited till the last minute, I'm not letting you merge" school of thought. Not happening, bucko!

    Regarding car decorations, what gets me is the latest fad of having a stick figure (or a flip flop or something) representing each member of your family (including pets). What I WOULD like to see is a single guy put just ONE stick figure on his back window with his name under it. ED. No family, no pets, just him.

    That would be funny.

  6. Funny!
    Your notion that bumper stickers might be better suited for foreheads or shirts is (in the words of Dinky-T) HUH-LARE-E-US!

    And thanks for the award, super cool!

  7. I'm with you.

    What completely bugs the shit out of me is 3rd grade drawings of things that happen in traffic and...



  8. Very funny. I like the drawings. Hubby and I were just discussing the various driving annoyances of the day. I got cut-off by a bozo on the phone and an 18-wheeler waited until the last minute to get over when his lane ran out and he wanted to get in front of me. He had a long, long, time to get over. Sheesh!

    And why can't people drive in the rain?

    As for the left turn situation, we are not legally allowed to be past the line, although in a left after yield situation, people will usually put themselves a little ways into the intersection.

    I think bumber stickers are hilarious. I still see some for Perot!

  9. Nice! We all seem to have some of the same issues.
    How about the one that parks almost under your rear bumper at a stop light up hill and you're driving a stick??
    ...and turning left into the right lane instead of turning into the left lane.

  10. I've been annoyed all day that on my laptop I was unable to view my followers or anyone elses. Now I'm on the PC and have no trouble. And am officially following. Which is a relief, as adding you to favorites and having to constantly stalk you to look for new posts would have been time consuming.

    *Some of the comments KILLED me! Especially Chris Maug and MwholebunchofO's35.

  11. Love the illustrations and you are so right. There are some crazy drivers out there!

  12. Do I ever!!!

    Just yesterday I was caught in traffic for an eternity (I was starving, trust me, it was an ETERNITY). I was in the farthest right lane, because I planned ahead and knew my exit was coming up soon...I patiently waited and crept along, obeying the law...when Mr. Monster Truck comes barreling along the shoulder because he is much awesomer than the rest of us low lifes. Then there were the copycats, equally as more important than the regular folks. Then, when it is the legit time to get into the exit line, here comes some guy with his flashers on. Well, I don't dare pull out in front of him, cause you know maybe he's a cop, but he WAS NOT. Just some joker who left his flashers on until he was first in line. Then he pulled a flashy move by flipping a U and getting back on the freeway. He saved himself 1/2 mile. Genius.

    I feel so much better now. Oh yeah, I totally agree with all the other stuff too. LOVE LOVE LOVE your renderings.

    Did I split anything there? :)

  13. Do I spy a 3 column?????? ;) Oh, and don't you love a dedicated left turn light? Delish.

  14. For miles and miles, the blinker is saying 'I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm ...'
    :) Nice list.

  15. This has got to be your best post ever. I think several volumes can be written about moron drivers and related issues. Moron pedestrians are an issue too, don't you think?

  16. I too love this post! I still see bumper stickers that say "W '04" 5 years later!

  17. no.9 makes me mad. we just had one of the cyclists on our corpus triathlon club get run over by a truck that wasnt paying attention to "A FRIGGIN BIKE LANE". she wasnt even in the road. she was in her bike lane and i dont know what the hell went through his head (or didnt) but he mowed her down and sent her to the hospital for months of surgeries and rehab.

    of course ive almost been hit umpteen times by vehicles who never ever look for a runner or cyclist. i dont get it either. i mean in broad daylight, a fat sweaty meskin, wearing my favorite white running shirt thats prolly a touch too tight trotting my big ass down the street AGAINST traffic no less, and you dont see me??? lol...how the hell can you not. but alas, it seems as though every runner has his story of almosts. be safe out there runners, cyclists, moms crossing the street and anybody even breathing in the general direction of the road. drivers who arent us dont look for us.

  18. You and my husband have a lot in common! I've learned more about "appropriate" driving from riding with him than in any defensive driving class I've ever taken!

  19. What about the people in the left hand turn lane who, if they would pay attention to their surroundings, would notice that your ass is hanging out into traffic because they won't close the 6 foot gap between them and the car in front of them?

    What a bout the people who take up the entire middle of the right lane, preventing an entire fleet of cars from making a legal right hand turn at a red light?

    The honking in parked traffic? East coast thing. We don't do that here.

  20. So funny and oh how very true!

    Thanks for summing up my thoughts on asshat drivers for me!

  21. BWAH!!!! This is soooo funny! Have fun on your vacation!!!! Love the art!

  22. This was a very funny post. Loved the pictures :) Same things bother me. What I hate the most is people not using their blinkers.


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