QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Nazi Postman

I realize, first off, that with a title like that I risk alienating or offending my nazi readers. I’m okay with that. lol. Anyway…

Yesterday as my friend and I hiked through the woods with our dogs, the levels of digression in our conversation spun out of control. Somehow, in one conversation thread, the discussion flowed from how our children are doing in school to postal carriers. Eventually the trail of the conversation led to her new mail carrier from hell, and while I may have been only half listening up until this point (as admittedly I am prone to do), I immediately perked up when I heard the words postman, mace, and dog in one phrase.

Huh?” I interrupted.

“Yeah,” she was saying… “I wouldn’t put it past him to have sprayed her with mace.”

“What?” I repeated.

Apparently she had recently been to the vet to treat what was diagnosed as pink eye in her labradoodle, and the vet had asked if it were possible that she had been exposed to mace (the dog not the friend).

“So I thought about it,” she was continuing, “and I think he could have done it.”

So get this… They have a new nazi, anal retentive, rule-following, mail carrier whom we should all rejoice does not service our addresses… listen to his transgressions and judge for yourself:

- My friend went around her neighborhood two weeks before Christmas and joyfully inserted Christmas cards in her neighbors’ mailboxes, spreading the cheer of the season. On Christmas eve, my friend opened her own mailbox and frowned to find that all of the cards had been bundled together with a rubber band together with a note: “insufficient postage.” (There went his Christmas tip, huh?)

- Her neighbor received a notice in her mailbox one day that there was a letter being held for her at the post office branch because of insufficient postage. Concerned, she packed her kids in the car, parked at the post office, got all three children out of their car seats (which I know from experience takes at least 15 painstaking minutes, full of “I can do it myself” sort of mutterings), schlepped them inside the post office, and waited in the long line for the next available postal worker (during which I’m sure all three children behaved perfectly, and her son didn’t push her younger son, and her daughter didn’t screech: “stop looking at me” and her younger son didn’t keep repeating every word that the older son said…). She received the “letter” that was being held for her; it was a handwritten note written from a 6 year old to a 5 year old stuffed shyly into the mailbox.

- Another neighbor hung a decorative holiday flag from her mailbox. The next day when she looked outside, the flag was on the ground. She returned the flag to its festive place on the mailbox only to find it on the ground once again later the following day. After two more days with the same mysterious outcome, she decided to keep an eye on the mailbox throughout the day whenever she could. As she watched the mail carrier drive from mailbox to mailbox, he arrived at her mailbox. He took the flag (apparently it intervened with his placing the mail into the mailbox in the most efficient manner possible) and threw it onto the ground. What’s with this guy?

It would have been fun indulging in petty female gossip about this wretched nazi postal carrier had the transgressions not been so offensive…

So – don’t you think he could have sprayed mace on the innocent, cute labradoodle?

1 comment:

  1. He could most certainly be the one responsible!

    What an a$$hat...


Please feel free to let me know what you think - especially if you like it. If not, please reconsider (just kidding!) I can take constructive criticism! Really I can...