The big brother who beat the crap outta me as a kid is getting married. Next month. To someone I like. No longer is it up to my mom and me to train him in a futile manner at his 40 years of age. Not our problem anymore. Incredibly, his wife-to-be has already exerted her persuasive charms on him to superlatively fabulous effect; in short, he is… he is… what do you boys call it?... oh yes… he is whipped. Oh, dear readers. If you could only hear my sardonic, deep cackle at this very moment. The savory taste of revenge is delectable indeed. Please enjoy the following excerpts from his life post-falling-in-love:
- We are all sitting around the dining room table: my mother, my brother, my husband, my two boys, and my future sister in law. Admittedly, the 13-year-old son has an issue with chewing with his mouth open. Notwithstanding my incessant nagging on the subject, it is very difficult, indeed, for him to close the yapper while chewing. The uncle (my brother) begins to chime in, as usual: “would you CHEW with your mouth… ouch! That hurt!” My wonderful sister in law (let’s just abbreviate this “wsil,” shall we? In every incidence she is, unvaryingly, the same adjective…) has just unceremoniously pinched him under the table. “Not your problem,” she wisely reminds him. Atta girl.
- My mother and my brother get into what I would term as a “heated argument” during which my recalcitrant brother says some rather unkind words. He storms off to another room and the wsil follows him. The door closes. Five minutes later, the door opens and out comes my brother. He walks up to my mother, addressing her sheepishly: “sorry,” he admits. My jaw drops. Atta girl.
- My brother says not in a million, gadzillion years would he ever go to the required pre-martial counseling sessions with the minister. A few weeks later, after the sessions: “not so bad,” he mumbles.
- My brother wants to go to Vegas for the 3rd time in a year and begins to make plans. “We’ll see” chimes in the wise wsil. You guess the outcome…
- “I do NOT clean toilets…” insists my brother. Do I really need to explain this one further?
I don’t know who this guy is or what she’s done with my brother…
- We are all sitting around the dining room table: my mother, my brother, my husband, my two boys, and my future sister in law. Admittedly, the 13-year-old son has an issue with chewing with his mouth open. Notwithstanding my incessant nagging on the subject, it is very difficult, indeed, for him to close the yapper while chewing. The uncle (my brother) begins to chime in, as usual: “would you CHEW with your mouth… ouch! That hurt!” My wonderful sister in law (let’s just abbreviate this “wsil,” shall we? In every incidence she is, unvaryingly, the same adjective…) has just unceremoniously pinched him under the table. “Not your problem,” she wisely reminds him. Atta girl.
- My mother and my brother get into what I would term as a “heated argument” during which my recalcitrant brother says some rather unkind words. He storms off to another room and the wsil follows him. The door closes. Five minutes later, the door opens and out comes my brother. He walks up to my mother, addressing her sheepishly: “sorry,” he admits. My jaw drops. Atta girl.
- My brother says not in a million, gadzillion years would he ever go to the required pre-martial counseling sessions with the minister. A few weeks later, after the sessions: “not so bad,” he mumbles.
- My brother wants to go to Vegas for the 3rd time in a year and begins to make plans. “We’ll see” chimes in the wise wsil. You guess the outcome…
- “I do NOT clean toilets…” insists my brother. Do I really need to explain this one further?
I don’t know who this guy is or what she’s done with my brother…
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How pathetic. This is why no woman will ever tell me what to do, no matter how beautiful or insistent or intelligent she may think she is.
ReplyDeleteUhh...I was going to write a longer comment, but I have to take out the trash. Now.
She can play for my team any day!
ReplyDeleteyup, he's whipped :P
ReplyDeleteHe's met his match. She sounds like a wonderful woman and just what he needs. You're right though, he is whipped :)
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to tell you that I am not as impressive as you might think when it comes to my blog. I got some help at http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/
All you need to do is cut and paste to change the background on your layout page. There's so many to chose from.
I cannot wait until my brothers find wsils. Any single ladies here who like to hunt and fish? ...I didn't think so.
ReplyDeleteA good woman can do wonderful things. Tell her to keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should have taken the picture of the homeless guy.