Okay… so I got “tagged” by two different blogger buddies, Shawn over at Seriously, and Vivienne at The V Spot – both very funny if you’d like blog recommendations - on the same day last week, a tag in which one is supposed to blog about 6 different things about one’s self. Yeah, so I’m a bit late responding, but I have a good excuse, or rather two of them: 1) I don’t usually respond to chain-letter-type-stuff (I have a wonderful friend who includes me on her chain letter emails; I shudder to ponder how many people have befallen upon bad luck or never made $2 because I never forwarded their chain emails…) and 2) I can’t imagine anyone would want to know 6 things about me (and you really don’t, do you?) [insert sardonic cackle]. This is ostensibly a funny blog…So I’ve ruminated on the subject between my early morning thoughts and my runs and here is my titillating list:
1. I wish I had remote controls for my boys. The most valuable button would be on/off, which would come in quite handily when they argue with each other or, more notably, when they argue with me. Just imagine! … “I don’t WANT to set the table. I did it yesterday! Why can’t” ZAP. Ahhhh. Or: “ALL the other kids have cell phones; just tell me ONE good reason…” ZAP. That’s better. How about: “Moooommmm! Michael is in my room!!! Tell him to get OUT! He comes in here and…” ZAP. Ooh that would be good. Alas, at the moment the only defense with which we combat the cell phone argument is: “Sorry, buddy. I guess his parents love him more than we love you.”
2. I’m not a high-speed windshield wiper kind of a girl. I like those babies on low intermittent. You people who sit at red lights with your wipers going full blast when the rain has slowed to a trickle? Take your right hand, make an L with it, and place it upon your forehead. Do it now. I’ll wait…. You are such nerds…
3. I believe there are too many choices at the grocery store. It’s a ploy to keep us in there longer than we should be. Take the yogurt aisle… you’ve got your lowfat in every flavor, your nonfat in every flavor, your fruit on the bottoms, your fruit on the tops, your nuts on the top, your m&ms on the top, your organic, your soy, your smooth and light, your rich and creamy, and all of the combinations thereof…it’s completely overwhelming and causes undue distress. I want to enter the grocery store, grab my food with no artificial colors or flavors and no hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils, find a small line, and get the heck outta there…
4. I used to dream of having the “before” boobs from the “before and after” photos in breast augmentation brochures, but I’ve decided that being flat-chested is very beneficial for running, especially when I forget to pack a sports bra on trips.
5. My favorite thing in races is to pass twenty-something boys! Ha! Look at me, you athletic-looking studly young dude…. I’m a 38-year-old woman and I’m kicking your butt…sucks for you… (They inevitably get their revenge when I spit sometimes with not enough of an arc and not enough oomph and it lands on my arm…).
6. Here are my favorite things on the fridge:
1. I wish I had remote controls for my boys. The most valuable button would be on/off, which would come in quite handily when they argue with each other or, more notably, when they argue with me. Just imagine! … “I don’t WANT to set the table. I did it yesterday! Why can’t” ZAP. Ahhhh. Or: “ALL the other kids have cell phones; just tell me ONE good reason…” ZAP. That’s better. How about: “Moooommmm! Michael is in my room!!! Tell him to get OUT! He comes in here and…” ZAP. Ooh that would be good. Alas, at the moment the only defense with which we combat the cell phone argument is: “Sorry, buddy. I guess his parents love him more than we love you.”
2. I’m not a high-speed windshield wiper kind of a girl. I like those babies on low intermittent. You people who sit at red lights with your wipers going full blast when the rain has slowed to a trickle? Take your right hand, make an L with it, and place it upon your forehead. Do it now. I’ll wait…. You are such nerds…
3. I believe there are too many choices at the grocery store. It’s a ploy to keep us in there longer than we should be. Take the yogurt aisle… you’ve got your lowfat in every flavor, your nonfat in every flavor, your fruit on the bottoms, your fruit on the tops, your nuts on the top, your m&ms on the top, your organic, your soy, your smooth and light, your rich and creamy, and all of the combinations thereof…it’s completely overwhelming and causes undue distress. I want to enter the grocery store, grab my food with no artificial colors or flavors and no hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils, find a small line, and get the heck outta there…
4. I used to dream of having the “before” boobs from the “before and after” photos in breast augmentation brochures, but I’ve decided that being flat-chested is very beneficial for running, especially when I forget to pack a sports bra on trips.
5. My favorite thing in races is to pass twenty-something boys! Ha! Look at me, you athletic-looking studly young dude…. I’m a 38-year-old woman and I’m kicking your butt…sucks for you… (They inevitably get their revenge when I spit sometimes with not enough of an arc and not enough oomph and it lands on my arm…).
6. Here are my favorite things on the fridge:
7. I enjoyed these silly songs on my newest playlist while running this morning:
Candy Girl (New Edition)
9 to 5 (Dolly Parton)
Bang on the Drum All Day
Mama (Genesis)
Legs (ZZ Top)
Sexy and 17 (Stray Cats)
Break my Stride (Graham BLVD)
Get Ready (Rare Earth)
American Boy (Estelle)
Rich Girl ( Hall & Oates)
December, 1963 (Oh What a Night – Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons)
Theme from “Greatest American Hero” – Believe it or Not (Joey Scarborough)
Oops. that was 7. sorry. I guess I ruminated too long.
Now it is my distinct pleasure to pass the baton and tag Shawn at The Shark Tank , Wendy at On the Front Porch, Natasha at Exile on Mom Street, Christine at She's Just Another Manic Mommy, Heather at Heather Cherry, and Shopgirl101 at Mall Rats...this is my Retail Rant... all mighty fine blogs.
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#1 - yep. I wish for that too. I'm glad it's not just me. Love your fridge decor and that you can spit on your own arm. (But yogurt doesn't confuse me - sorry.)
ReplyDeleteI love the fridge magnets!
ReplyDeleteI too dream of having the "Before" boobs. Because mine are the natural version of "After" and those suckers get in the way! Also, without the silicone they've started sagging. Already.
Good call on the remote control that works on boys. Is it wrong that I want it for my husband even more than for my son?
Oooh, #1. I want one of those. It would save me tons in Tylenol.
ReplyDeleteThe "I thought I child proofed my house.." thing made me lol (yes, literally).
Amen to #4. As my mom says, jogging for us can sometimes cause 2 black eyes... get it??? :o)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tag... I'll "ruminate" a while, too, and do this one when I can think of enough interesting things aboot me.
Love the remote! I have whining, complaining, fighting girls...so much worse I promise.
ReplyDeleteBig saggy boobs are the Devil! I know because I have them.
Oh, and speaking of grocery stores, wouldn't it be great if they organized the aisle by weight? You know, the milk, canned goods, dog food at one end and the bread and other squashables at the other? This way you could fill your cart in crush-proof layers. Why has no one thought of this?
ReplyDeleteFound your blog through that cherry-flavored one. You're a riot!
Chris
cdmauger.blogspot.com
Hey, thanks for tagging me, and especially thanks for understanding that I'm not gonna do it. ;)
ReplyDeleteI realized today I desperately need some new songs for my ipod at the gym. I'm so friggin sick of the songs on there, I'd almost rather work out in silence.
Okay, I'm cracking up about the "childproofed house" thing on your fridge. I need one of those.
ReplyDeleteAlso on the "too many choices" thing. I nearly started crying when I had to pick a stupid can of whipped cream. My gosh, WHAT IF I PICKED WRONG??? (There might be medication suitable for my condition.)
Thanks for the tag. :)
I’m not a things-on-the-fridge kind of a girl. I like those babies clean. You people who live in houses with crap on the front and sides of your fridge when it makes your kitchen look cluttered? Take your right hand, make an L with it, and place it upon your forehead. Do it now. I’ll wait…. You are such nerds…
ReplyDeleteI think #5 is awesome. You GO runner girl.
When I was in high school, by breasts were so unboobish that it wasn't even far to call them boobs. My friends and I settled on "pothole." The nickname, although a hyperbole, was close enough to being accurate.
ReplyDeleteSo while running did anything "break your stride" or "slow you down"
ReplyDeletethe comics were way too funny especially the airplane one :) I think there are too many choices at the grocery store too.
ReplyDelete1. i stand in awe of your running ability. i passed out last time i visited the park.
ReplyDelete2. is that middle one an Ann Taintor? I have her stuff plastered all over my house. love it.
The magnets are great! I would like one of those remotes to take to work.
ReplyDelete