7:48 pm: I put on my son's bike helmet, get my bike out of the garage, and make sure I have my water bottle.
7:50 pm: I head out for my 14-mile cross-training bike ride through the countryside.
7:51 pm: As I ride down to the end of my street, a bug flies straight into my left nostril. Pleasant.
7:52 pm: After extricating said bug from my left nostril (we'll leave out the details how...) while riding, I continue my exit from the neighborhood.
7:58 pm: A gnat flies directly into my right eye. Or perhaps I ran into him (or her?). Whatever the case, there is now a gnat in my right eye, rendering it rather uncomfortable. No mirror to evict the gnat...
8:00 pm: I am still rubbing my right eye (while riding... always continuing to pedal!). The gnat is, no doubt, dead and smushed now, but nonetheless remains in my right eye.
8:06 pm: The gnat in my right eye is likely still there, but I can't feel him/her as much now, leaving the coast clear for the bug to fly into my left eye. No, I'm not kidding. Ahhh.
8:19 pm: I've ridden about 4-5 miles by now, so I'm breathing heavily... with my mouth open... As I'm riding along pleasantly, a bug fies suddenly into my open mouth and ends up near the back of my throat. I cough but ingest the bug. yum. (not). I try riding with my mouth closed but really kind of need my mouth open to breathe....
8:35 pm: Armed with extra protein, the ride is going pretty well as a bug flies into my nose again... I forget which nostril. It doesn't really matter, does it?
8:37 pm: Another bug flies into my mouth. Oops. Swallowed again notwithstanding my efforts to cough him/her out. (Do bugs have genders?)
8:40 pm: I look down at my white shirt dotted with little bugs.
8:46 pm: I've turned for home now, having huffed up a large hill during which I progressed so slowly that, delightfully, no bugs entered any oraface of my cranial region. (or otherwise...) Flying rapidly back down the hill up which I pedaled, however, provides ample opportunities for bugs to end their lives, kamikaze-style, into my shirt.
8:52 pm: I brush the little gnats off of my white sleeveless shirt as another bug flies into my face, but misses my nose, eyes and mouth! Hooray!
9:00 pm: Home stretch now. The sun's gone down and it's almost dark. No bugs - must not be attracted to the busier road on which I'm riding....
9:05 pm: I pull into home as another gnat swoops into my nose.
Ahhh, what a good bike ride. I have to give credit to the diagram above; I found it on blondeonabike.blogspot.com. I couldn't have described it better myself....