QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Bad doggie!

4:09 am. Sophie barks. It's the "uh-oh. I really can't hold it" bark. Like a good mom I hop out of bed quickly and descend to the first floor where she anxiously awaits to go outside. I can't see her eyes in the darkness but I sense their gratefulness.

I open the door. It's raining, as it's been doing for 5 days in a row now. Sophie exits the house with her trademark trot, headed toward the usual spot.... when all of a sudden...

she bolts like a bat outta hell way past the neighbor's house, faster than I've ever seen her go.

I can only assume she's spotted a rabbit. Typically I don't discourage her from chasing rabbits, as they are a nuisance in my garden; however, what didn't register with her little doggie brain before she took off was that it's 4 am. Dammit. I'm not afraid she's not coming back; she's a smart German Shepherd, after all. She knows where her canned dog food's buttered. I don't, however, know how far she'll chase the terrified little bunny. I can't yell for her, because I like my neighbors. Damn dog. I mentioned it's 4 am, right? I am now fully awake, which is exactly the state in which one does NOT want to find one's self at 4 am. I don't know whose heart is beating more quickly: the bunny's or mine.

At this point the bunny has probably made it to safety, and Sophie, at the end of the literal trail, is probably thinking to herself: "oh shit. Mom's gonna kill me. hmmm. Do I stay here for awhile and let her cool off? Do I run back home? Do I pretend oblivion? "

While Soph is having this dilemma, I have grudgingly put my shoes and some shorts on, the very last activities in which I wanted to participate at this hour, and proceed out the door in the rain to locate my dearest dog, who is SO in the dog house.

"Sophie!" I whispered, extremely frustrated. I wander to the edge of the yard, quietly calling her a couple more times.

Then, as soon as she disappeared, she comes cantering back into the yard, feigning innocence.

"Oh hi, Mom... um. Just had to find a different spot to go potty... yeah. uh. took me a little longer than usual."

I furrow my brow, not needing to tell her to come into the house. I look at her. She looks back at me, sitting straight up with excellent posture. My eyes have now adjusted to the darkness, thanks to her. I can see her sheepish, inculpable eyes directed back at me.

I am not deterred. "B a d d o g!" I admonish her quietly. As if she didn't already know. "On your bed," I command. She quickly plops down on her bed as I ascend the stairs to attempt to fall back asleep.

I know what she's thinking, and it pisses me off.

"That was SO worth it."


  1. Yep. It's officially Go Hug Your (indoor) Cat Day at my house.


  2. Sometimes I yell "Bad Dog!", but he's so retarded that I wonder if he even knows what that means, or what it's in regards to. His behavior suggests not.

  3. My Saint Bernard loves to do this in the dead of winter, but it's never a bunny, he just likes to sniff every surface of our property before picking a spot. Not my idea of fun at 4AM either!

  4. So funny my yellow lab has been hearing "bad dog" a lot lately for digging in our garbage. In fact he recently figured how to tip it over and dump our flip top can. Even though he is scolded and told to lay on his bed. I know he's thinking the same thing and it pisses me off too.

  5. Natasha - lol. I have an indoor cat, too. She hurls a little too frequently for my taste, but I love her anyway.

    Shawn - hmmmmm. what to say here.... you got me.

    Aliceson - your Saint Bernard is so darn cute (I've seen pictures of him on your blog) that he should be able to do as he pleases.

    Kat - Sophie goes through the garbage too (I wrote about in "The Perpetrator." What is it with dogs and garbage? Bleah!

  6. I think I'd still rather have a dog than a cat. Uh oh... my cat's giving me that look. I'm going to wake up with ll kinds of new scratched tomorrow.

  7. This is one reason I don't have a dog. I can barely figure out my kids let alone an animal that doesn't speak English. Although... I do have one child that chases rabbits and doesn't really speak English very well, so that's a lot like a dog when I think about it.

  8. lol. I beg to differ... Sophie knows a lot of English words... :)


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