QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Parlez vous francais?

Who says it's not possible to get a traditional education in Las Vegas?

At the Paris hotel and casino on the strip, you can learn french! For free! No need to sign up for boring, time-consuming classes, either. Simply use the public restroom in the casino area. That's right, folks. Just by utilizing the toilette, one can learn key phrases in the french language. A continuous, pre-recorded, background monologue of both a male and a female voice broadcasts in the bathrooms (both the ladies' and the mens'), teaching you much-needed vital phrases. The sensuous voice utters the phrase in English, then repeats the phrase in French.

It became VERY exciting to use the restroom among our group of intrepid travelers; we would emerge after the experience, congregate, and bemusedly exchange the most recent phrases we learned. Here are some examples (only in English, because I wasn't taking notes while giggling):

- "Your clothes would look great on my bedroom floor."

- "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"

- "Has anyone seen my panties?"

- "If my husband calls, I'm not here."

- "Where is my wedding ring?"

- "I shaved my legs for this?"

- "Oh la la. I'm never drinking again."

The beautiful and classy fleur de lys tiles in the ladies' room truly mitigated any kind of raunchy connotation during the lessons, and the phrases were almost so soft as to be subliminal; indeed, it was challenging to hear the lessons amid the pesky, yet necessary flushing and hand-drying.

I searched Google images to provide you with a picture of the pretty bathroom; however, astonishingly, no one has posted a photo of the Paris Casino's public restroom and I, myself, was not witty enough to have snapped one.

What a fabulous idea it would be to broadcast subliminal messages in my own bathroom, particularly, ahem, one in which the husband spends a significant amount of time. OOh I get giddy just thinking about the possibilities; it could be a subliminal "honey do list" or just a sardonic medium to communicate to him in the inner sanctum:

- "You should really take the wife out to dinner tonight..."

- "The laundry is really piling up, huh? Maybe you should pitch in..."

- "A movie would be really fun Friday night."

- "Grilling is fun and easy."

- "The vegetable garden would really benefit from having a fence around it to keep out the vermin."

- "Weeding is great exercise... you really should weed more..."

- "Gosh the wife's voice sounds sweet when she's nagging."
- "Hey! Watch where you're aiming!"

I mean, the possibilities are without limit.... what would you broadcast in your bathroom?


  1. Tea nearly came out my nose while reading. Very funny :-) --Alex (aka run350)

  2. Yay! I wish the tea actually had made it, though...

  3. Hilarious. I wish I could have been there! I definitely would broadcast something about aiming. Or if they can't aim, clean up after themselves at least! And possible "save hot water for your mother..."

  4. "Everyone poops. It is not scary. You can do this. You're a big boy!"

    Can you tell the potty-training isn't quite over with?

  5. Wendy - amen on the hot water! Natasha, LLOL!!!!!

  6. LLOL on the "grilling is fun and easy" and the "weeding is good exercise". Im doing this. Its genius!

  7. Ha, good stuff! I'm fond of the word "vermin". Also "varmint". I don't know why.

    If the bathroom language teacher isn't enough, I've heard they sell Rosetta Stone packages in the vending machines of certain hotels in Vegas.

  8. That is hysterical! I am not a Vegas kind of girl, but I would go just to check out that bathroom!
    Here is what I would subliminally pipe into ours.

    *Brush ALL of your teeth.
    *Wash ALL of your body, not just the parts you think people can see.
    *Please do not whack off in the shower when there is a line for taking a shower.
    *Please be sure to clean up if you have whacked off in the shower.
    *Turn off the electric toothbrush BEFORE you take it out of your mouth.
    *Do not spit your toothpaste onto the faucet.
    *Hang up your towel.
    *Each of you have a towel and hook, with your initial on it. Please use YOUR towel, because there is a brother or two who whack off in the shower.
    *Your mother is a saint. Be nice to her.

    *Do not blow your nose in the shower.
    *Your eyesight is not as good as you think it is, please take the hand-held and rinse ALL of the snot out of the shower.
    *Do not barge in on your wife when SHE is in the bathroom.
    *Your wife is a saint and you should take her out for a romantic evening with no kids.
    *You should let your wife hold the remote.

    *Poops that leave debris scraped onto the bowl deserve another flush with an extra wad of TP just to help things along.
    *Please change the toilet paper roll.
    *Please aim specifically for the water in the toilet.
    *Use the air freshener under the sink.

    Other than that, we're good.

  9. OO - thanks! Shawn, thanks!...and I like those words, too. Currently my favorite words are loathe and notwithstanding. lol.
    vivienne, um... this was MY post? just kidding! all quite good suggestions. I especially like #s 3 and 4 in the boys' bathroom. LOL.

  10. Hilarious! I wish they had such practical phrases on that "Learn Chinese" in fortune cookies!

    I think you may be onto something with those subliminal messages. Mine would be: "Take your wife to Vegas. You might get lucky..."

  11. Great post! Worth it to go to Vegas just to use that bathroom. I would love it if my husband would just stop spitting on the mirror when he brushes his teeth.

  12. "I mean, the possibilities are without limit.... what would you broadcast in your bathroom?"

    You asked, I told. My bad. (I'm a talker...)Sadly, every single one of these things is a real problem. 5 males in this household. ew.

  13. vivienne, I know what you mean. The only girls in my house are me, the dog and the cat... someday it would be nice to tinkle without having to put the toilet seat down first....One can dream....

  14. my bathroom wall would definitely say:

    "are you physically able to put the toilet paper on the holder? If so, then what's the friggen problem?!@#$"


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