QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Thursday, September 17, 2009

It's a mad, mad world

I live with an insane asylum bunch of looneys (no offense to anyone there... not that there's anything wrong with that...).

I have an 11-year-old who loves to make up his own complex math problems and give them to me for "fun."
"Hey, Mom. Here. Try this math puzzle I made up."
"Buddy," I say. "You know how you find math fun?"
"I don't."

I have a dog whose purpose in life is to shed as much hair as humanly possible, well as caninely possible. She does quite an admirable job fulfilling that purpose, too.

Then this morning... I call in my chipper morning voice (a rare thing) to the 13-year-old, still upstairs getting himself moving before school.
"Dude!" I yell (in a chipper sweet voice, of course). "Are you up and dressed?!"
"Would you like a hamburger?" he answers.

You see what I'm dealing with? See what I'm up against?

On top of all that, get this. My cat loves ear wax. Yeah, no. I'm not kidding. She lives for it. Craves it. Goes nuts for it. Catnip? It's nuthin'. Wait for it.... wait for it... yeah. Earwax. Look. I can prove it. Here (below) she pillages the bathroom trash can for a Q-tip like a homeless person looking through a trash can (no offense to those of you who are homeless). She's nuts. Maybe that's why she pukes all the time?

So she doesn't mind eating the earwax, but God forbid it get all over her pristine paws.

Me? I'm completely normal. What? I am. Really.


  1. hysterical and gross all at the same time! My cat is too lazy to rummage through anything. She does however love to bathe me-any part of my body will do! Her scratchy tongue has been in places I'd rather not discuss!!! I enjoy your blog thanks!

  2. EARWAX. ew.

    Yesterday I just so happened to think of the funny things boys come up with; natural born comedians. Both my boys were and are that way.

    Who wouldn't love a hamburger first thing in the morning?

  3. Amen to the dog hair sister, I need FOUR of those signs!



    That is beyond gross!

  4. OMG one of our cats LOVES earwax. No joke. Nathan sleeps with earplugs (dont ask) and its like a game for her every day: MUST steal earplugs and chase them around the house. Utter ecstasy for her.

    Open closed doors or look under furniture you will find earplugs in my house.

  5. Earwax? Yuck! I bet that Q-tip is covered in dog hair too :-)

  6. Ugh. Cats, dog hair, and ear wax all in the same post.

    What are you trying to do here, anyway?

  7. Hamburgers, dog hair, and ear wax. Why am I no longer hungry?

    Thanks for that.


  8. Lol...a hamburger? Where did that come from? My dog Joey loves ear wax too, only hell try to take it directly from your ear, he doesnt mess around with the garbage can, he likes his fresh.

  9. Thank heavens for kids and pets. Otherwise, where would we get our entertainment?

    Thank you for the well-wishes on my marathon this weekend. I really enjoyed the quotes you passed along, particularly the anonymous one. I've already committed it to memory to summon somewhere around mile 22. :-)

  10. LOL...ear wax???? I thought MY cat was weird with her coffee grind habit. Ha, she's got nothing on yours. :)

  11. I always want a hamburger, why is that part weird?

  12. Well, would you like a hamburger or not? Polite kid, if you ask me.

    And do you find that you have a lot of homeless readers?

    That "Find x" picture slays me!

  13. Does your cat spread the wax on toast, or eat it a'la carte? I prefer a nice sourdough with my earwax, personally.

  14. My Siamese is all about eating used Q-tips, rubber bands and...cantaloupe.

    I have no explanation.

  15. I had a cat that did that too. I don't think she ate the Q-tip, but she liked to get it stuck on a claw and shake it in the air and freak out while trying to remove it.... weekly.

    Love the hamburger comment. That was one kid who was still asleep at the switch!


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