QUOTE OF THE DAY (OR MORE): "No, no. You don't understand. This is an '89 Calico. I'm pretty sure that exceeds the Kelly Blue Book value. The cat's totaled." --A comedian whose name I forget talking about a vet who presents a $3,000 bill for a 12-year-old cat

Monday, September 14, 2009

Moms are from earth; kids are from mars

Okay... so... the Expedition, our eco-friendly gas guzzler, really smells. It's the vehicle most used for transporting Sophie the German Shepherd and sweaty boys to and from soccer practice and games. The husband and I, frequent passengers in the truck, didn't realize our vehicle had an odor problem. We were, um... used to it. So we were rather surprised when, a couple of weeks ago, my brother and sister in law climbed into the back to accompany us to dinner.






"Hmm," they whined. "Um... kinda has a dog smell to it, guys."












"Really?" we questioned. We really did question. This was news to us.






Well, Sophie is a dog. Sophie is a dog who sheds. Sophie is a dog who sheds more than all of the dogs on our street put together. Sophie sheds. a lot.






No problem, I think. I'll just vacuum out the back of the Ford and give it a good cleaning.






"Ha!" said the loose dog hairs in the back of the truck. "We cannot be sucked up by a shop vac, you foolish girl." And then it laughed, an evil, sardonic, bone-tingling laugh. "We will never leave... NEVER!!!" And dangit if the dog hairs aren't right. They're very happy where they are, stuck in the fibers of the carpeting in the back of the Expedition.






So I did what any self-respecting, busy mom with 2 kids and a full-time job would do. I made an appointment at Dr. Detail. I gave in. I threw in the towel. "You guys handle this," I said. They assure me that they can handle dog smells and German Shepherd hair.






Now... I told you that story to make this observation.






The husband and I arose earlier than usual this morning, not easy for non-morning folks, to take the truck to Dr. Detail. The plan was for the husband to give me a ride home, and then for me to get the kids to school. Before we left for Dr. Detail, we woke up the urchins and got them going.






"Be ready to go so that, when I get back, we can leave for school right away, k guys?"






nada.






"k guys?"






"okaaaaay."









Now it becomes a matter of semantics. My definition of ready and the boys' definition of ready:






My definition:






- breakfast eaten



- teeth brushed



- lunch taken out of refrigerator and placed in backpack



- shoes on






Is that a lot to ask? Does that make sense?






The boys' definition:










- No shoes on- in fact, not even attempt to locate where they might be



- lunch still in the fridge



- teeth not yet brushed



- TV on




Speaking of TV, last night we were exhibiting fabulous parenting skills, sitting in front of the TV with the 13-year-old. I was googling on the laptop while the husband was flipping channels, as men are wont to do. The 13-year-old was trying to follow what was on TV: "Wait, Dad," he asked confusedly, "what happened to that guy?"


"Oh, buddy," I explained, "are you not yet aware of the malehood more that prohibits any man from watching a channel for more than 5 minutes? That guy is still on the other channel, bud."


This man is not my husband, but does provide a fine example...










11 comments:

  1. Smelly dog hair car?
    Check.
    Dorky kids with no common sense?
    Check.
    Husband who is awful with the remote?
    Check.

    Please run the L.A. Marathon so we can have a drink together.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I seriously do not understand why men cannot just watch one or two channels. My husband watches tv at lightspeed. Amazing thing is he can tell you EVERYTHING that happens on all the channels.

    Gives me a headache.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol....I know the feeling. I never knew anyone to take as long to tie a shoe than my 10 year old. It can take him FIVE minutes to tie one shoe. And the remote thing? My husband is terrible about that...I hate watching tv with him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very funny post! My sister-in-law was just telling me how she has vacuumed and shampooed her carpet and the cat hair is still there. She has a cream-colored carpet and 3 kitties, including 1 black one. Those evil, masterminding beasts! They know how to torture us.

    My Hubby has to have the TV on almost all the time. I don't mind in the evening but during the day, on the weekend? Um, no. Get off your butt and do something. Anything. Wait. Did I really say that? I should be careful what I ask for.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol. love it.

    Our house is full of dog hair; and the dog never comes inside. WHY is that? What is dog hair made of? Yeah, who cares...

    How'd Dr. Detail work out?

    ReplyDelete
  6. In our house I am the one who's terrible with the remote.
    I would never want to watch tv with me. Ever.

    Did Dr. Detail eradicate the odor and eliminate the hair?? We're dying to know.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I may take dog hair over chocolate teddy grahams and lollipops stuck and smushed into the carpet. I also have a mystery odor. I think it may be a very old chicken nugget :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I really am laughing out loud--that picture was way too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Did Dr. Detail fix your odor issue, or did Sophie's hairs cling on for dear life? Have you smashed your TV with your shop vac so your boys will get ready for school instead of doing screen time?

    You have a funny fam, so I'm giving you an award. Check it out on my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

    Alena

    http://dogfurniture.info

    ReplyDelete
  11. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

    Alena

    http://dogfurniture.info

    ReplyDelete

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